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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25636939">Poem Portfolio</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PercyFied/pseuds/PercyFied'>PercyFied</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>No Fandom, Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Poetry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:02:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,512</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25636939</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PercyFied/pseuds/PercyFied</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>These are a collection of different poems I've written over the years to showcase my understanding of the artform and ability to write. I hope you enjoy them!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. How Many Times? 7/17/20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>How many poems<br/>
Beat with your heart<br/>
You are the blueprint<br/>
The beginning of it<br/>
And end of it all<br/>
Is a muse always love<br/>
Or heartache,<br/>
or some twisted combination<br/>
Can it be hope?</p>
<p>My poems have a rhyme and a reason<br/>
A cry for help<br/>
For maybe you can hear me,<br/>
all those states away<br/>
Can I manifest this?<br/>
Can I fix this?<br/>
Can I fix me?<br/>

<br/>My poems have a blueprint<br/>
Ever since you began<br/>
It goes my heart, my soul<br/>
You, you, you<br/>
How does the thought of you worm your way into every poem<br/>
My thoughts are plagued with your absence,<br/>
Diseased by your presence<br/>
You hold a place deep in my stomach acid<br/>
With the butterflies you gave me<br/>
That all died in there</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. My Dad was a Highschool Bully 5/30/20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW for mentions of fatherly abuse/bullying</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My dad was a highschool bully<br/>He grew up<br/>did not grow out of it<br/>He moved on<br/>With brand new targets<br/>No idea of change in his mind<br/>He admits it<br/>My dad is MEAN<br/>he'll say it<br/>He acts like we hate him for no goddamn reason<br/>Like I don't want to move out and away<br/>As soon as I hit 18<br/>Sooner<br/>Please<br/>Any chance I can get<br/>I want an escape from the constant<br/>Criticism<br/>Yelling<br/>Fighting<br/>The passive aggression<br/>The actions veiled in rage<br/>The forgotten memories<br/>From all he put me through</p><p>My mom was a fun young girl<br/>My mom made mistakes<br/>But her biggest mistake was marrying you<br/>I want her to be happy<br/>All you do is insult her, however subtly<br/>However jokingly<br/>You are MEAN<br/>and she still makes you dinner<br/>She still loves you<br/>And it breaks my heart</p><p>My dad needs some therapy<br/>I'll start a campaign<br/>FATHER'S FOR THERAPY 2020<br/>imagine the change<br/>imagine the beauty<br/>of men not ruining their child's self-esteem<br/>Of men learning emotional vulnerability<br/>Of men learning fatherhood is more than breadwinning<br/>It's about love and caring<br/>And what did you teach me?<br/>You taught me to argue<br/>You taught me to yell<br/>You taught me every interaction with you was a TEST<br/>As if debates were part of adulthood<br/>Sweetheart, honey<br/>I'm not gonna be like you<br/>I'm not gonna be YOU<br/>I'm not gonna play devil's advocate with my kids<br/>And stifle their opinion<br/>Teach them to say Okay, you're right<br/>and then guilt trip them</p><p>I am not a genius<br/>I never claimed to be<br/>But the moon landing is real<br/>This shouldn't be a controversy<br/>But you turn everything to a fight<br/>Because I have knowledge<br/>On some things<br/>Oh but you're older,<br/>you've experienced things<br/>My, I've never<br/>I've been inside my whole life<br/>Locked in a tower<br/>I've never felt anything<br/>Learned anything<br/>Searched anything<br/>You're the conspiracy theorist</p><p>My dad was a teenage bully<br/>I am a teenage bullied<br/>Your actions have consequences<br/>Your mistakes stand before you<br/>And ask you to apologize<br/>And you guilt trip and scream<br/>When I cry</p><p>I didn't ask to be born<br/>I never asked you to have me<br/>But you deal with the consequences of that<br/>You goddamn bully</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. You are Loved 9/13/19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Heart still beating<br/>like a bass drum,<br/>blood still rushing<br/>through my body<br/>blood pooling in my cheeks<br/>at the smallest of thoughts,<br/>tears pooling in my sheets<br/>the longer I wait<br/>my heart still goes out<br/>my heart still pounds<br/>there will never be one to compare<br/>to you,<br/>lover, friend, past imagination,<br/>whatever you'd like to call it<br/>any form of love<br/>platonic or romantic<br/>could never compare<br/>to the happiness you gave me<br/>to the shine of your smile<br/>to the glimmer of your eyes</p><p>I think I'm starting to forget your voice<br/>who am I kidding, my memory drifted long ago<br/>that memory may fade of your dreamy tones<br/>but my heart will never forget<br/>whatever it was we had<br/>whatever it was we were</p><p>wherever you are now,<br/>whoever you are with,<br/>whatever place you may be in<br/>I hope you are happy<br/>I say this sincerely<br/>please, please never stop<br/>because losing you was a pain I've only fabricated<br/>and I could never consider<br/>a life, a world<br/>without your bright shine<br/>without your laughter<br/>without the glimmer of your eyes<br/>without you in my heart</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. My Heart is Full 8/30/19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My heart is full of love<br/>and when it breaks it bleeds<br/>the blood of christ<br/>Gorey bloody heartbreak<br/>we will have love cover our faces<br/>we will bathe in this blood</p><p>I found a place between boy and girl<br/>and it is called hope<br/>it's called love</p><p>I don't have words<br/>attached to me<br/>I have dreams,<br/>but I don't sleep<br/>I have hopes<br/>not memories<br/>I have love<br/>it pours from me<br/>like tears during heartache<br/>like blood</p><p>I have love<br/>but I don't have hope<br/>I have dreams<br/>but I don't have future<br/>I have something<br/>I don't know what it is<br/>but I'm holding on<br/>with whited knuckles<br/>and misty eyes<br/>and my fingers<br/>are slipping</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Brunt 10/11/19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I never thought me strong enough<br/>Never thought me wise<br/>My actions may speak volumes<br/>But what's the point, <br/>When my heart be deaf </p><p>Over and over <br/>I allow myself to you<br/>Heartbreak daily, <br/>But the bittersweet taste<br/>Leaves me less than hollow <br/>Leaves my soul at my wake</p><p>Loving you is bravery, <br/>Loving you is strong. <br/>It's the meaning to my misery <br/>Method to my madness <br/>You kick me when I am down<br/>Humble that you are<br/>My ribs, cracked or bleeding, <br/>Simply watching how divine <br/>Your face, <br/>Your hair<br/>Your smile<br/>The voice I have forgotten </p><p>Dreams of holding you close<br/>Are my revolution<br/>Dreams of your lips<br/>Are my rebellion <br/>Dreams of a life<br/>Happy, sweet, soft<br/>Are the greatest of all</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Mania Isolationia 10/25/19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Feeling Manic<br/>Romantic<br/>Ultimately overly dramatic <br/>Frozen by fear <br/>Be still this beating heart<br/>Before I beat you like a pulp<br/>For acting out of turn </p><p>Because Interaction <br/>Is Acting, <br/>And I'm the bright-eyed amateur<br/>Falling over myself <br/>And my heart, <br/>Fallen apart<br/>Pieces running, clinging <br/>To anyone, everyone, <br/>who will dare to show me the time of day, </p><p>I am acting, <br/>With a mask<br/>Hot-glued to my face <br/>I've worn it so long<br/>I forgot what horrors lie beneath <br/>Beaten, forgotten, <br/>Defiled and conversationally mild</p><p>Rambling, forever, <br/>Meaningless word vomit <br/>Because I can't organize a goddamn thought<br/>Can't even focus long enough to organize my won goddamn room <br/>Chaos fills my body <br/>And it feels like snake venom<br/>I'm a snakebite martini, <br/>shaken up and left to dry<br/>Drunk on false memories </p><p>Maybe with love <br/>Maybe with prayer <br/>Maybe yoga, <br/>Maybe those endless positive messages <br/>Drink more WATER UWU<br/>That toxic positivity is choking me<br/>I can't help anyone, <br/>how could I help myself </p><p>And I'll drift into obscurity as quickly<br/>as I came<br/>But I'll leave behind my spiked shell<br/>And leave a reminder<br/>Drink more snake venom <br/>I can't goddamn breath</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Home 3/6/20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A heart is a home<br/>Home is somewhere warm<br/>Like a heated blanket <br/>For your soul</p><p>A house is full of screaming<br/>Slurs and swears<br/>Passive aggression <br/>Angry chores <br/>It's fear when someone washes dishes</p><p>A jolt up my spine<br/>A home of mine<br/>Is in your heart, <br/>in your arms<br/>It's feeling safe<br/>Cooking for someone<br/>Out of adoration <br/>Instead if obligation </p><p>A home is happiness without the house<br/>A home is a person, <br/>A smile, <br/>The idea of you</p><p>It's you <br/>I'll build a home in your heart<br/>I'll exude the warmth you need<br/>So you will never freeze<br/>I will let you enjoy a home <br/>More than four walls and a door<br/>Something full of love<br/>Happiness<br/>Warmth<br/>And your heart will feel it too</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Behold 12/18/19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A man. <br/>Fleshy and hardly sentient, barely managing to have any kind of true humanity that seems to be ever fleeting. <br/>Blood and veins and guts combine into a horrific creature that rules over our world as a sight of beauty.<br/>But true beauty lies not in skin and bone and fat and muscle. <br/>Have you ever seen what space does hold in its cold embrace of milky stars. <br/>Have you ever experienced an imploding nebula, of the explosion of color like a crime scene of passion and love like murder isn’t a crime.<br/>Why are humans on our highest pedestal yet the beauty of life hides in our shadow? <br/>What has happened to our standards?<br/>The smallest things tilt our scales of aesthetic, <br/>We hold our standards in unreality, in a world of removed ribs and starved stomachs <br/>Of skin like porcelain, cold and lifeless <br/>Of doll-like figures, holding impurity and insecurity and innocence <br/>Because complexity is attraction and sexuality is profit<br/>As our standards rise and our society falters, people crumble<br/>We have lost sight <br/>Beauty is in the eyes of a fish<br/>The volcanos in a nowhere area <br/>Empty graveyards <br/>A winter chill<br/>I want to know where our beauty lies<br/>Why is it in the skin and flesh and bone <br/>When beauty lies in the soul of space and time <br/>Stretching through the universe <br/>But humanity shuts it's eyes</p>
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